Last Monday, I had a visit with my PCP & He also ordered an MRI. :o
Okay. I know MRIs don't hurt. Really, I do. But I'm claustrophobic. I tried to get an MRI 15 years ago and it went badly. I really thought it would be okay. I told myself nothing would hurt and I just needed to remind myself of that while inside the tube. How'd it go? About 30 seconds after I was slid into the tube, I began to pound on the sides while screaming, "Let me out" over and over again. It was humiliating.
Needless to say, that little event was in the forefront of my mind the second my PCP said "MRI." I knew it had to be done, tho. After all, if it were exclusively the contrast dye, the hallucinations should have passed by then. Something else could be going on. The MD gave me a Xanax. One Xanax. A .5, to be exact. I knew it wouldn't be enough.
So, I prayed a lot. I had other people pray for me. A lot of other people. And by Thursday, I felt their prayers. Until Thursday, every time I spoke of or wrote an email about the MRI, I began to cry. (Can you believe that? I was so embarrassed. I'm really not much of a crier.)
But on Thursday, as I typed out an email to my Pastor--no tears. And I began to feel a peace settle in.
The MRI was Friday at 3:15. Friday morning, the first Scripture that crossed my mind was Jesus saying, "I am with you always." And, then, in my daily Bible reading, I read these verses, "He [God] is your hiding place. He will protect you. He will fill your heart with songs of deliverance. He will surround you with His love."
And, I knew. That day...during that MRI...anxiety was going to be defeated. It may look like I was surrounded by a tube, but I would be surrounded by God's love; I would be hidden in Him; and my heart would be filled with freedom's songs, not anxiety.
And that's exactly what happened. It was the easiest test I ever had--start to finish. Simple, relaxed, stress free. If you knew my terror during my last attempt and the terror I felt every time I thought of it, you would know--it was a miracle. God was my hiding place and I wasn't afraid.
Haha. And the Xanax never kicked in. Too funny. (Even a .5 causes me to slur my speech a bit. Not this time. Nothin')
And that's the weigh it goes,