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Thursday, July 27, 2017

Defying Gravity: My Listen

I've been listening to the song Defying Gravity from the Broadway show Wicked.  As I listened, it struck me that it could be interpreted from a Christian point of view, tho I'm pretty sure that was not the author's intent. } 

But if you listen to it, not with a defiant or rebellious attitude--and, of course, skipping that whole Wizard of Oz thing-- but listening instead with the attitude of wanting to  live your life boldly for Christ, the words take on a whole new meaning.

The world and the enemy would drag our attitudes, behaviors, and heart down, miring ust in what is now an ungodly culture.  As I listened, I felt fired up to defy that gravity and walk boldly for Christ.  I realize that no one else may hear what I do in this song, but I hear it, nonetheless.

I hear defying the gravity that would keep me bound in obesity and poor health.  I hear defying, the gravity that would cause me to be circumspect in  what I do or say so that I don't lose favor with others. rather than choosing to soar with  the Lord who has shown me the ultimate favor  It's about the courage to walk this Christian life true to myself in Jesus, regardless of  the cost and raching new spiritual heights in the process. And, of course, there's the Rapture of the church!  Some serious defying gravity will go on there.  :D

At any rate, since I'm all fired up about my own personal interpretation of this song, and the oomph it's giving me,  here it is:

Ohhh, first, for those who'd rather red than listen, here's the lyrics.  :}
"Defying Gravity"
("I Stand" album version)
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same

I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me down

I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change but 'til I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you won't bring me down

Unlimited,   My future is unlimited
And I've just had a vision.  Almost like a prophecy
I know it sounds truly crazy And true, the vision's hazy
But I swear, someday I'll be...

 Flying so high! (defying gravity)
Kiss me goodbye! (defying gravity)

So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately,
"Everyone deserves the chance to fly!"

I'm defying gravity!
And you won't bring me down,
Bring me down,
Bbring me down!
Ah, ah [echo

And I just have to add this little clip from Britain's Got Talent of a most amazing child singing a bit of Defying Gravity.  If listening to her doesn't give you goose bumps you're goose bump maker is broken!

Ahhh, and that's the weigh it goes,
or should I say, "Up, up and a-weigh!"
snicker, sorry

Thursday, July 20, 2017

A Picture, a Word, & a Song

I've been messing with my computer.  I won't bore you with the details, but at one point I thought I might have to put on the t-shirt* I bought my husband after surgery, and call my son for help.  * ( I had to watch him every minute or he'd try to do something he ought not do.   Shirt Slogan: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.)

At any rate, in the process I was able to get my pictures back from their black hole confinement.  So, here's what my computer desktop looks like now:
Bill (the Hubs) & Billy on a Smoky Mtn Trail in 2013
And here's a closer-up of my two Bills.
I am struck by how much younger we were just 4 years ago.  I know that sounds amusing, but I say it with a tinge of wistfulness.  We didn't realize how fast physical decline happens once you're 60 years old.   Somehow, we went from middle age to old age in that short span of time.  (Well.  this has taken a depressing turn, hasn't it?!)
While at the hospital, Bill agreed to use the nicotine patch and hasn't smoked since.  As we sat on the deck this morning, he talked about how surprised he was that it worked so well.    I told him that I needed a patch!   We talked about how addiction has such a hold, driving you to indulge in what hurts you, seeming to control you. 
Afterwards,  I  came upstairs t check my email and looked at the above photos,  acknowledging how much damage our choices have  brought.  Then, I  sat to read my Bible... and was reminded, once again, that God is aware of me.  Here is part of the  scheduled portion.  I just love it when God drops a Word right when I'm primed to listen. 
2 Corinthians 6:12-20 abridged  , New American Standard from Bible Gateway.
12 All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything. 13 Food is for the stomach and the stomach is for food, but God will do away with both of them. Yet the body is not for immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body. .... 19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? 20 For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.
I know.  These are well-known verses in the weight loss/get in shape world.  I recite them to myself often, but...interesting that they turned  up today as I was wishing that I had not let food master me had, instead, done what I needed to do to  get my body as healthy and as fit as possible.
I'm hearing the melody of the new song I mentioned in my last post.  :)  A song singing of liberty, of not being mastered by food, of remembering to whom I belong.  And those words have just reminded me of this song:

 And that's the way it goes,
P.S.  My WL group was cancelled for today, so the first week is next week.  I'm  counting it as a reprieve!  I'm still up from my last weigh-in. 

Monday, July 17, 2017

Oh, Let it be a new song.

It's Monday--official start that diet day all over the country.  usually, for me anyway, it's just same song, 134th verse.  But today, let it be a whole new song!

I did so well the beginning of this year.  I started on January 18th and by the mid-March, I'd lost 20 pounds.  And that was even tho  I had a mini-stroke the end of February.  But, somehow, a little too much life happened (The stroke sequelae was rugged, then I got the flu, and Bill had to have cataract surgery...twice, and stuff...you know, life stuff), and I began to flounder.  I managed to lose an additional 5 pounds by the beginning of May, but that is back now.

The fact is, I've been losing and regaining that 5 pounds every week since May.  And I'm tired of singing that song, for sure.

I joined a Christian weight loss group on January 19th that starts a new Bible study every 12 weeks.   This past Thursday (which I missed because of Bill's back surgery) was the last week of this round. I had been toying with the idea of ditching the group sine I've lost nothing this past 12 weeks.  Worse than nothing, I'm up 5 pounds.. 

But.  This afternoon,  the group leader called me today to co-ordinate the new book with me (I have to get an e-book and not all titles have that option.)  The study book we settled on is called Beginnings and addresses failures, lessons learned, fresh starts, etc.  To my surprise, I felt a bit of enthusiasm rise...hope even.

Since Thursday will be the first weigh-in for that new study, I'm pretty motivated to hit it hard the next three days to get as much of that five pound gain off before weigh day.  Since  I know that a plunge into carbs after being low car loads up a good bit of fluid, losing the whole five pounds is not out of the question.

 I'll do very low carb meals & some protein (Primal Blueprint) shakes for a meal or two.  That's not something I can maintain over the long haul, but I can do it for the three days between now and weigh-in morning.  Then I'll shift to simply low carb (40-60 grams a day works for me.) for the duration.

So.  My new song starts now--1AM Monday morning.  Feel free to hum along.  :)

And that's the weigh it goes,


Thursday, July 6, 2017

The Choice

I woke up this morning, after another evening of stress/exhaustion/anxiety eating.  Yesterday evening, it was cold cereal--Rice Krispies, then Fruity Cheerios to be exact.  As usual, I talked to God about it before I got out of bed.  You know this kind of talk--the one in which you express regret for yesterday's poor choices, ask forgiveness, and then ask for the ability to get it right this day.

I pretty much have the same conversation with God every morning these days.  I've been struggling since March, losing and gaining the same five pounds.  I know...you know how that goes, too.  I could list the stressors that have presented themselves, but...really...it would just be same song, different verse from the years of losing, gaining, losing, gaining I've walked thru. 

I have to say, tho, that this surgery extravaganza with the Hubs has been rugged as far as eating goes. Ten hour days at the hospital, the stress of having to get rides to and from the hospital for us since Bill cannot drive for a few weeks and I cannot drive at all.  The hospital food, the anxiety of it all, and now with Bill home, his difficulty in submitting to the restrictions put on him by the Md.  (Truthfully, the only thing that has kept him from undoing the surgery via unwise activity is the pain he is in.)  At any rate, it's been a perfect storm for the food addict that I am.

But this morning, before I got out of bed, a thought crossed my mind.  The thought wasn't new in that I've always known I had a choice to not eat, to turn to God instead.  yeah.  got that.  But it was the specific choice of words...the words somehow captivated me.  The reminder that I have a choice was expressed this way:  "You can give yourself to addiction or to adoration."

Addiction or Adoration.

Last night, and the night before, and the night before that, I gave in to addiction.  I chose addiction.  Last evening, in particular, the choice was clear.  It had been a stressful day.  I had to walk down street to pay our sewage bill (Bill forgot to mail it prior to surgery and didn't tell me that until it was too late to mail it.), and Bill insisted on walking down with me.  Sigh.  Now it's only about a quarter mile or so each way, BUT the return home part involves walking up a steep hill to our house.  No way to avoid it.  (We live in the Appalachian foothills.)  And, of course, a quarter mile each way is a total of half a mile--much further than he has walked so far...here just 9 days post-op...and it was humid and nearly80 degrees at 10 AM when we left on our little trek.  It stressed me out!

And, then, our grandson came by to cut the grass.  That sounds like a good thing, doesn't it?  And it was, except that Bill isn't used to sitting around while someone does "his" work, so he was out there in the yard "helping" Josh.  Since Bill is not supposed to bend or twist or push/pull/lift more than 5 pounds, seeing him squatting in the yard and messing with weeds and trimmers as he directed Josh just freaked me out.  (By that time it was 85 degrees and humid, by the way.)

I did well eating all day, but after Josh left at 7pm,  I was hungry.  I'd fed Josh and bill, but Hadn't had dinner myself.   I didn't want the on plan food I had, I wanted ice cream.  Which I didn't have in the house and it was too hot to walk to the store and carry it back before it turned to soup.  Now, here's the ting:  I have chocolate flavored, healthy, protein shake powder that if I blend with ice gets as thick as a milk shake.  It's tastes good, has low carbs and 20 grams of protein.  That shake, which takes just minutes to make, crossed my mind.  Did I choose that?  Nope.  I convinced myself that a small bowl of Rice Krispies would be easier and satisfy my craving better.  It would be fine.

It wasn't.  No surprise there.

All of that to say this:  The choice was clearly before me.  Sweet, ice creamish on plan food vs addictive food.  I chose addiction.  I could have paused, praised God for bringing the shake to my mind and followed His gracious lead.  I cold have walked in adoration, but chose to fall into addiction.   And this morning the scale showed a 2 pound gain to accompany my regrets.

 Addiction or Adoration.  How do I want to live my life...to walk this walk?  I need to see this with a clear eye, to recognize that the path is really that black and white, that distinct for me.  (It may not be for you; it is for me.)  Addiction or adoration?

After I got out of bed, this was part of  my morning Bible reading:  Romans 6:2-14 (Used Bible Gateway for text below)

How shall we who died to sin still live in it? Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death? Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is freed from sin.
Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, is never to die again; death no longer is master over Him. 10 For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. 11 Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts, 13 and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. 14 For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace.

And that's the weigh it goes,


Saturday, July 1, 2017

The Hubs is Home from the Hospital

Surgery was extensive, but successful.  Bill was discharged Thursday evening.  He is, of course, in a good bit of pain and gets up and down with difficulty.  Riding in a car is painful. His stables will come out on June 10th and that should relieve much of the discomfort he feels when sitting.

He is able to walk with a cane and able to climb steps, tho.  He's already taking short walks around the outside of the house several times a day.  (My problem is NOT getting him to be active; it is to keep him from overdoing it!)

Despite the pain, he can tell that his legs are working better and it's easier to walk than it was before the surgery.  His foot drop is gone as is the sciatica pain down his leg.

We are grateful to God for His healing touch and for  your prayers.